|New Yorker cartoon by Emily Flake
Monday, January 8, 2018
Undercommitted & Overjoyed or I’ll Have to Get Back to You on That
Do you feel overcommitted? Are you overextended, dealing with other people’s requests, meeting their needs? Are you frequently saying yes to this or that invitation or offer, sometimes leaving only the dregs of your time left for what you want and need? If yes, then please read on.
This tendency affects sensitive souls of all ages and walks of life, and if you are an entrepreneur or business owner, then you may be struggling with this in spades. Does any of this sound familiar?
A client asks you for an extra, super early appointment. You say yes, even though you really don’t want to drive across town in the wee dark hours of the morning.
A business associate you met at a networking event asks you for coffee, but at her office on the far side of the city. You say yes, afterward wishing you had asked to at least meet half-way in between because you wind up losing way over an hour just in travel time driving there and back.
Friends ask you to please be on their committee. They’re planning a fundraising event for a really important cause - one that you certainly care about. You say yes, even though your schedule is tight with extra work deadlines this next couple months. Now you’re feeling overwhelmed.
An acquaintance who is going through a break up and a chaotic time lately asks you to meet him for dinner. You say yes, even though you know it’s going to drain you.
If these scenarios have a twinge of familiarity to you, then may I present to you your new mantra:
If your response to someone's ask is instead more along the lines of, “I think maybe I’m free, but I’m not sure,” or “Okay, I’ll let you know,” guess what you have just said – YES. The requester is going to hear what he or she wants to hear. So if your response can in any way be construed as an agreement, then you have firmly landed in YES TOWN.
That's okay. For some requests, you really don’t know your answer at first do you? Maybe you will say yes, but you need to contemplate it. And you have that right. You do not owe anyone an immediate response. We live in a super fast-paced world, but that doesn’t mean you have to give an instant yes or no.
Unless the offer in question is something you have wanted to do, or you can immediately feel a YES response in you body, then your best course of action is I’ll have to get back to you.
But don’t stop with giving yourself some time. The next step is to clear your head, connect within, and feel your body’s inner wisdom about the offer.
If you need centering first, remember that you can go to the audio meditations on my website at drkyra.com and listen to one of my guided meditations, such as the grounding tree, to get into a receptive mode first. Then:
1. Breathe and focus inward.
2. Think about or visualize the events related to the invitation.
3. Then notice a feeling or sensation of a yes (pleasant, open or energized feeling) or no (tightness, sinking feeling, or even pain) in your body.
A non-feeling or middle of the road feeling means just that. The commitment wouldn't be horrible, but not all that rewarding for you either, so consider whether it would drain your time.
If you know that you’re the kind of person who might fold and still say yes when it comes back around, then scroll down on this blog and read Say No & Feel Good About It from July 2017.
I guarantee you if there are times when you undercommit, then there will be times you feel overjoyed in the freedom of it all.
It’s more important than ever to make taking care of YOU your number one priority. No one else needs to understand why. We can just keep that a secret between you & me.
So one more time, let's practice saying it, I’ll have to get back to you on that.
-Dr Kyra Mesich, www.drkyra.com
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