Thursday, August 23, 2018

The Cure for Procrastination!

by Kyra Mesich, PsyD, www.drkyra.com

Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow? I have an intimate, long-term relationship with procrastination. I've honed the skill my entire life. Yet, somehow, I've still managed to get stuff done. Following is my favorite and most effective holistic technique to change the energy around my tendency to procrastinate.

Tansy Flower Essence

Yes, there is even a flower essence* to help us overcome procrastination! You'd think I would be using this stuff by the barrel, but sometimes I procrastinate opening up a new bottle of tansy flower essence. I'm telling you, I have expert status on the topic of procrastination. 

What is the root cause of procrastination anyway? Is it about willpower? Lack of motivation? Poor time management? For many of us sensitive souls, it isn't about any of those things. Tansy addresses a deep-seated habit many of us sensitive souls adopted very early in life: Withdrawing under stress.

Here is a quote from the FES Flower Essence Repertory's definition of Tansy flower essence: "Healing insight comes through understanding why [we] hold back the real expression of ourselves. This soul type responds to intense overwhelm or any feeling of pressure or tension by withdrawing and restricting physical energy." 

This can be an ingrained pattern associated with childhood trauma. But I have found it to be a tendency for nearly all of my sensitive clients, those who do and those who do not have a significant history of abuse or trauma. Many of us sensitive souls became experts in "downshifting" our energy to keep the peace and to avoid further emotional overwhelm. 

By the time we are adults, it can be second nature to withdraw and become invisible when we want. This tendency comes back to bite us when we need to expand our energy outward to accomplish a task or break through any stress-inducing situation.

Tansy has been my friend since I first learned about FES flower essences. I never would have completed my first book in 2000 without it.

*For those of you who may be new to flower essences, please note that flower essences are unique herbal remedies that are made from the vibrational, energetic resonance of flowering plants. There is no botanical matter in a flower essence. Tansy is used herbally as well (dried and in tinctures) and it is an incredibly strong herb that has a pungent, unpleasant odor. The tansy plant is used as a natural insect repellent and is considered somewhat toxic to ingest. 

I love to look at a plant's physical qualities when considering it's energetic gifts. I put a photo of tansy above so you can see its straightforward form. The flowers are small and similar to the center of a daisy, without the petals. It's a "getting down to business" type of plant with strong, long-lasting flowers. It is a vibrant yellow, can grow huge and fast, and is considered an invasive species in many areas of the Midwest.

Tansy flower essence stimulates our energy just enough to pull us out of the hiding places we energetically withdraw. Tansy encourages us to be vibrant and strong, here and now, and accomplish what we want to do.

You can obtain Tansy flower essence from FES (Flower Essence Services) www.fesflowers.com, or book a flower essence session with me during which we'll choose the best flower essences to help you heal and move forward in your life. More at www.drkyra.com/sessions-programs.



Monday, July 16, 2018

Better Digestion in 30 Seconds!

30 Seconds to Happier Digestion by Dr Kyra Mesich, www.drkyra.com

-With no costly supplements
-No matter what you're eating
-With a simple, thorough food blessing you can say to yourself or out loud



 About 90% of the sensitive clients I see have digestive issues, sometimes quite severe. I certainly haven't escaped frustrating digestive problems in my life. I’ve had times in the past when I could barely tolerate eating anything without pain, gas, bloating, fatigue, brain fog - Most of you know the drill. 

Digestive issues can feel so disempowering. “What? I don’t even have control over my own body?” That’s how it feels sometimes. Despair can set in when we feel like we are doing everything possible to make the situation better, such as avoiding certain foods, taking probiotics, etc, with little improvement. So my method below counters that frustration and instead empowers you to reset your focus toward positive intention and an energy of more comfortable digestion.

Here's an easy method that I have consistently found makes a positive difference. Take the time, just 30 seconds, to say a blessing before eating. Before putting the food in your mouth, create positive energy, and set an intention of appreciation and acceptance. Here is the blessing I've created over the years:
I bless and purify this food.
I give thanks to the animal and plants that gave of themselves, and to every single person who played a role in making this food available to me.
My body accepts this food with appreciation and excitement. It easily digests and processes it, extracting all the nutrients and energy available for my body's benefit.
I experience this meal (or snack) with love and gratitude.
And so it is!
As you can tell, I've made this blessing neutral. Feel free to change it based on your food choices and beliefs. 

I know this blessing may seem long, but it only takes 30 seconds to say it slowly, with intention. 30 seconds is sufficient time to positively shift the energy you had, no matter your worries about the food you'll be eating or how your body may react.

Yes, sometimes when I'm in a hurry, I forget or don't want to take the time for the blessing. But whenever my digestion starts to go off again, I'm reminded how easy it is to empower myself to create positive intention around the food I take into my body. Consistent attention to creating positive energy around food and digestion -  It really does make all the difference.

Copyright Dr Kyra Mesich, author of The Strength of Sensitivity, www.drkyra.com

Monday, January 15, 2018

The Strength of Sensitivity Quiz!


Many of us creative, intuitive beings are walking around thinking poorly of ourselves. We still buy into the idea that sensitivity is a weakness. Time to knock it off!
Here's a throwback to my old-fashioned style quiz which will help you understand how your sensitivity can actually be a strength in your day to day life.

The Strength of Sensitivity Quiz

Take the quiz below from Dr Kyra Mesich to discover the greatest Strengths of Your Sensitivity!

Write down the numbers of all the statements are generally true for you. 

  1. Your sense of smell is very acute, such that odors bother you even when other people don’t notice them.
  2. Other people always seem to come to you for support and someone to talk to.
  3. You startle easily from unexpected stimuli like loud noises.
  4. You have learned that it is usually best to trust your gut feelings when making decisions rather than over-thinking it.
  5. You have a special connection with animals and easily understand their nonverbal communication.
  6. You often see the obvious solution to a problem despite others trying the same old approaches over and over.
  7. You avoid watching the news or certain shows and movies because there is too much negativity or violence.
  8. You hear sounds that others don’t seem to notice such as the buzzing of fluorescent lights, or the high-pitched sound from some electronics.
  9. You have had an experience of feeling strongly that you would be doing something (moving into a blue house, starting a new job) had no idea how that could happen, but it eventually did.
  10. You are a musician, artist, writer, or crafty person who loves to design or make things.
  11. You have uncomfortable reactions around certain scented products, such as perfume, cleaners, scented candles, etc.
  12. You have good instincts. As long as you follow them, things tend to turn out well.
  13. You revel in sensory experiences, such as touching a soft blanket, looking at a beautiful flower, or sipping a warm cup of tea.
  14. You wish that organizations like schools and corporations would experiment with new approaches to be more effective.
  15. You are often able to notice what other people (adults and children) need or want without them verbally telling you.

Interpreting your results: If you noted two or three of the statements in the following categories, then that quality is one of your greatest strengths of sensitivity.

Perceptive: Numbers 1, 8 and 15. You are very perceptive, which means you have keen, responsive senses and the ability to notice things quickly. This is a strength because you are very aware of your surroundings. You are the detective who hones in on the clues that everyone else misses.

Creative: Numbers 6, 10 and 14. You have the soul of an artist and the ability to think outside the box. This is a great strength because you bring beauty and new possibilities to people’s lives. You are the creative spark in an otherwise dull world.

Responsive: Numbers 3, 11 and 13. Your body is a precision instrument, and you experience clear responses. This might not always feel like a strength, but there are benefits. Your body is constantly communicating with you about what is healthy and balanced for you and what is not. You also are able to delight in the simple pleasures in life. You are the harmonizer who strives to bring peaceful comfort into the world.

Intuitive: Numbers 4, 9 and 12. You naturally have the gift of intuition, or a still small voice within that guides you. Intuition is a tremendous bonus that makes life easier, as long as we learn to listen and trust it. There’s more to life than meets the eye, and you are the embodiment of that.

Empathic: Numbers 2, 5 and 7. This is the most misunderstood strength of sensitivity. As an empathic person, you naturally sense and feel emotional energy from people, animals, and places. When this strength is balanced, your empathy can be used like intuition to give you useful information. In other words, you can sense the emotional truth of a situation, despite what others may try to hide or not be able to clearly communicate. You understand others on a deep level and are the compassionate warmth in a sometimes cold world.

As you can see, our collective sensitive strengths make the world a better place. We bring qualities of awareness, creativity, harmony, intuition, and compassion to life. Our traits are important, and we have every right to fully express who we are as sensitive people. We also have the right to feel peaceful, comfortable & confident in life!

Dr Kyra is author of The Strength of Sensitivity. Learn more at www.drkyra.com

Monday, January 8, 2018

Undercommitted & Overjoyed or I’ll Have to Get Back to You on That


Do you feel overcommitted? Are you overextended, dealing with other people’s requests, meeting their needs? Are you frequently saying yes to this or that invitation or offer, sometimes leaving only the dregs of your time left for what you want and need? If yes, then please read on.

New Yorker cartoon by Emily Flake
As author of The Strength of Sensitivity, I work with many kind, generous, good-hearted people. Thank goodness for you lovely souls who naturally want to support and help other people. It's an important, valuable part of who you are. But sometimes you get stuck in a never ending cycle of yes, which is very agreeable of you, but scatters your energy outward.

This tendency affects sensitive souls of all ages and walks of life, and if you are an entrepreneur or business owner, then you may be struggling with this in spades. Does any of this sound familiar?

A client asks you for an extra, super early appointment. You say yes, even though you really don’t want to drive across town in the wee dark hours of the morning.

A business associate you met at a networking event asks you for coffee, but at her office on the far side of the city. You say yes, afterward wishing you had asked to at least meet half-way in between because you wind up losing way over an hour just in travel time driving there and back.

Friends ask you to please be on their committee. They’re planning a fundraising event for a really important cause - one that you certainly care about. You say yes, even though your schedule is tight with extra work deadlines this next couple months. Now you’re feeling overwhelmed.

An acquaintance who is going through a break up and a chaotic time lately asks you to meet him for dinner. You say yes, even though you know it’s going to drain you.

If these scenarios have a twinge of familiarity to you, then may I present to you your new mantra:

I’ll have to get back to you on that…


If your response to someone's ask is instead more along the lines of, “I think maybe I’m free, but I’m not sure,” or “Okay, I’ll let you know,” guess what you have just said – YES. The requester is going to hear what he or she wants to hear. So if your response can in any way be construed as an agreement, then you have firmly landed in YES TOWN.

But I'm really not sure...


That's okay. For some requests, you really don’t know your answer at first do you? Maybe you will say yes, but you need to contemplate it. And you have that right. You do not owe anyone an immediate response. We live in a super fast-paced world, but that doesn’t mean you have to give an instant yes or no.

Unless the offer in question is something you have wanted to do, or you can immediately feel a YES response in you body, then your best course of action is I’ll have to get back to you.

But don’t stop with giving yourself some time. The next step is to clear your head, connect within, and feel your body’s inner wisdom about the offer.

If you need centering first, remember that you can go to the audio meditations on my website at drkyra.com and listen to one of my guided meditations, such as the grounding tree, to get into a receptive mode first. Then:

1. Breathe and focus inward.
2. Think about or visualize the events related to the invitation.
3. Then notice a feeling or sensation of a yes (pleasant, open or energized feeling) or no (tightness, sinking feeling, or even pain) in your body.

A non-feeling or middle of the road feeling means just that. The commitment wouldn't be horrible, but not all that rewarding for you either, so consider whether it would drain your time.

If you know that you’re the kind of person who might fold and still say yes when it comes back around, then scroll down on this blog and read Say No & Feel Good About It from July 2017.

I guarantee you if there are times when you undercommit, then there will be times you feel overjoyed in the freedom of it all.

It’s more important than ever to make taking care of YOU your number one priority. No one else needs to understand why. We can just keep that a secret between you & me.

So one more time, let's practice saying it, I’ll have to get back to you on that.

-Dr Kyra Mesich, www.drkyra.com







Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Staying Centered in Chaotic Times: 3 Important Tips for Sensitive Souls

Yes, I know the title of this post is easier said than done. As I'm writing this blog in October 2017, high emotion is running rampant post natural disasters and human violence. It's a challenging time to be an empathic, sensitive soul, so here are a few tips to help you remain grounded.



1. Be very selective about your sources of news 
We don't need to bombard ourselves with any more than the basic "facts." I find that reading the news, rather than watching is calmer and gives me control over what I take in. Resist the urge to click on the really sad human interest stories. We aren't "helping" by becoming inundated with grief or anger.

2. Remember the energetic support of flower essences 
Golden Armor from Green Hope Farm in NH was made quite specifically to provide us an energetic buffer amid modern intensity.   https://www.greenhopeessences.com/essences/golden-armor

Heart remedies may also be in order. Much loss and grief are associated with recent tragedies, and you may be feeling the heaviness in your heart. Borage,  http://store.fesflowers.com/borage-1-4-oz.html,  and Yerba Santa,  http://store.fesflowers.com/yerba-santa-1-4-oz.html both provide upliftment for our heart.

Remember that flower essences help us subconsciously, beyond the limitations of our rational mind, which might try to tell us that horrible things happened to people, so we should feel awful and stay that way. That kind of "logic" serves no one. We are of no help to anyone if we are also in a dark place.

3. Self-care, self-care & self-care
Spend time in nature. The squirrels and trees and stones are the same as always despite recent events. Keep the energy moving! Drink a lot of pure water, exercise, dance, take salt baths. Make appointments for healing experiences and participate in events that are uplifting.

Don't feel "selfish" taking care of yourself. We will help the world most by radiating kindness, peace & calm. It is only when we are balanced that we can really do that. And we need to take care of ourselves in order to clearly hear our own intuition. It's that intuition that will inspire us to help in ways that may have never occurred to us at first.


Peace & Love,
Dr Kyra
www.drkyra.com

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

“I Call the Shots” Challenge for Sensitive Souls


The Strength of Sensitivity Podcast Episode 1 Transcript  (You can listen at https://drkyra.podbean.com/)

Hello everyone! Thanks for joining me in my inaugural episode… I’m your host Dr Kyra Mesich, author of The Strength of Sensitivity and creator of Empathic Empowerment Therapy. It may be the first episode of this podcast, but it’s a keeper because we are going to be addressing an issue that is of paramount important for your comfort level as a sensitive soul. Is your experience comfortable or uncomfortable?  Well, in many situations that depends upon whether you yourself are willing to Ask for Something Better.  All sensitive souls struggle with this to one degree or another.

A phrase I like to think about is “Hey, I call the shots around here.” Ah, wouldn’t that be great to feel like YOU call the shots in your life? Whether you’re at a restaurant and they don’t get your order right, or you’re in a room and the air conditioning is way too cold, or a colleague is not treating you respectfully, we are being given opportunities to ask for better, to call the shots.

The question, though, is whether we do it. Do you ask for better? Sometimes it doesn’t even occur to us that we can.

I’ve narrowed it down to 3 primary reasons that we sensitive souls often do not ask for something better. I’ll list them first then we’ll delve in a bit more to uncover the antidote for each one.

Three reasons we don’t ask for better:

1.     Feeling like an outsider
2.     Tolerating discomfort
3.     Conflict avoidance aka living in the worst case scenario

#1 FEELING LIKE AN OUTSIDER
I recently had a personal experience with this one. Yes, even though I am an expert in sensitivity and I’ve grown, and evolved and become much more comfortable in my own skin over the last 2 decades, I am human. Sometimes we put ourselves in new situations that bring up old beliefs and responses in new interesting ways.

In my case, this happened at karaoke. Long story short, karaoke is a relatively new hobby for me. Never thought of myself as a good singer, so it has been fantastic to express myself in this new way, and surprise, I’m becoming a better singer as I practice singing more often.
Anyhoo, the “ask for better” situation came about one night at a bar where I had been for karaoke many times before. On this particular night, the volume was up way louder than it had been before. There was a new host, or kj as they are called, and I thought that perhaps he intentionally turned the sound up because someone else had asked for 
the volume to be turned up that night. But it was really loud and uncomfortable, so I sang a song or two then left.

Then I went back a few days later, and the sound was up way high again, so loud that it hurt my ears. So I moved, and sat back further away from the speakers, but it wasn’t as fun to sit there and be further away from the karaoke crowd. So I sang a couple songs and left.

The next day I messaged the kj on facebook and told him that the volume was up too high. I had liked the levels where he had it in the past, and I wondered if he purposely had it louder for some reason. He responded with an apology, said that he usually walks out to hear the levels and should have, but he was really busy. He replied, that no, he did not intentionally turn up the volume so loud. And then he said, the next time you are there if it is too loud for you, please come up and tell me so I can turn it down.

My external response to him was thanks, and my internal response to myself was, “Why the #$$%^&* didn’t I just do that? Why didn’t I go up and say “Hey, the volume’s up too loud, please turn it down.” I was most disturbed with myself that I sat there with painful ears – twice! - and didn’t do anything about it. Then the only solution that occurred to me was to move where I didn’t want to move, and then to leave. What?!?

Here I am, the expert sensitive lady, and I was definitely not living in the strengths of my sensitivity. Oh well, I cut myself some slack and decided to chalk it up to “old habits die hard” and tend to reveal themselves in new ways in new situations.

Although this had a twinge of number 2, tolerating discomfort, what really was going on this situation for me was number 1, feeling like an outsider.  Although I like karaoke, I don’t like going to bars to do so. I don’t identify with a lot of the people there, and apparently the energy of this brought up old patterns from memories of school and such of always feeling like an outsider and “no one else thinks the same way I do.”

OK, so reality check, just because I identify myself as a unique individual in a situation that does not equal that I don’t count. We often have a knee jerk reaction of taking it that far…something along the lines of I’m not like the rest of the people in this group, so my vote doesn’t count. And we believe that so much that we disregard evidence to the contrary.

For example, in my karaoke experiences, I noticed that some of the other regulars where I go also started singing happier, different songs because that’s what I usually do. 

Evidence right there that being the sensitive soul in a group brings a new light into that place, and others who also want to feel lighter will enthusiastically join in.

So what’s the antidote for number one, feeling like an outsider? Remembering these statements: Even if I do feel like an outsider someplace, I still deserve to be here. I ground into my surroundings. I claim my space, and I allow myself to notice when others are on my wavelength.

#2 TOLERATING DISCOMFORT
This one is about our identity as a sensitive person. We are prone to think, “I’m sensitive, which means I’m uncomfortable most all the time. That is just my lot in life.” Whoa, Nellie. That’s taking it too far.

Being a sensitive soul means you are highly perceptive, caring, creative, empathic & aware, and that’s where we need to end the definition. Do not include uncomfortable in your definition of what it means to be a sensitive soul.

Now, again, this is something we all to do varying degrees. If you grew up in a chaotic or abusive family you may learned to tolerate a tremendous amount of all types of discord and discomfort. Others of us tolerate discomfort simply because it doesn’t occur to us that we don’t have to. If you are asking for better, if you are calling the shots, then in 95% of most cases, you actually do not HAVE to tolerate any type of discord or discomfort.

The antidote for number two, tolerating discomfort. Here’s your new mantra. I can be sensitive AND comfortable. That’s a new one, huh? Replace the word sensitive with perceptive or different if you need to, so that you can actually believe the statement. I can be perceptive and comfortable. I can be different and comfortable. I can be sensitive and comfortable.

#3 CONFLICT AVOIDANCE AKA LIVING IN THE WORST CASE SCENARIO
And last but not least number 3. I was going to title number 3 old-fashioned conflict avoidance, but what is conflict avoidance really? It’s living in the worst case scenario before it ever even has a chance to happen.
What is it the conflict we are trying to prevent? Well, 99% of the time, it’s an imaginary one. We’re trying to avoid whatever worst case scenario our neurotic mind has envisioned.
Most of the time we’re avoiding our own FEAR of the worst thing that could possibly happen (and therefore isn’t going to happen) because we let our mind run amok and let it dwell on the worst thing that could possibly happen.

We don’t ask for better from someone because our mind says, “No, don’t do it… I’ll be humiliated because they’ll laugh at me, or They won’t care, so they’ll just say no. Or They’ll be mad at me. Or I’ll hurt their feelings if I say anything.

So it comes down to a fear of being hurt or hurting someone else. And again, we take this too far.

Now the antidote for number 3, conflict avoidance and fear of being hurt or hurting someone else…Stay in the NOW of the moment. Right here, right now, and say to yourself, “I call the shots.” Then take 5 seconds to guide your thoughts into a positive image. Jumping to the worst case outcome is simply imagination without guidance, right? So instead of going to the worst fear-based outcome, gently guide your imagination, and see yourself confidently asking for better, and experiencing the desired outcome. 

It’s time for you to say, “I call the shots around here.”

So it’s the I Call the Shots Challenge!

For the next week, the next 7 days, embrace every opportunity you are given to ask for better, to be the person who calls the shots in your own experience. Of course, these types of challenges often are more fun and we stick with them when we have a partner in crime as it were. So ask a friend, sibling, or colleague to do this challenge with you, and you’ll both have a fun time supporting each other and sharing how you called the shots!

Feel free to let me know how your week goes with the I Call the Shots Challenge.

My “ask” for you is to share my blog and my podcast (it's on itunes, podbean & youtube) with your social media friends as much as possible, so we can create The Strength of Sensitivity Movement!   Viva la sensitive revolution!

Thanks!
Dr Kyra
www.drkyra.com



Tuesday, July 11, 2017

One Click to Peace & Calm


All is Well Meditation Video

Welcome to the Lily Pond! This is a fantastic meditation to center yourself anytime you're feeling stressed or worried, or just need to quickly rejuvenate. Click the video above for this latest meditation video. I recorded it at the peaceful water lily pond at Maplewood Nature Center. In the first minute of the video I explain how to tell the difference between a water lily and a lotus. Then I let the pond speak to me and guide us through a lovely meditation.

Dr Kyra Mesich, www.drkyra.com

The Cure for Procrastination! by Kyra Mesich, PsyD, www.drkyra.com Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow? I have an intima...